Life After Divorce for You and Your Children

When working through a divorce, many parents grow concerned about their new life and what it will look like for both them and their children. If you were married for any significant amount of time, your identity may be wrapped up in being the spouse of another person. Having had no experience in being a single parent, you may be unsure of how to navigate the dating world while simultaneously raising a child. There are several ways to begin immersing yourself into this new reality, but by taking the time to conduct a decisive plan you will be better equipped to lay a solid foundation for both you and your children following your divorce.

You may be considering entering the dating pool again following your divorce; you are not alone. Over 65% of women consider dating again after their divorce within the first year. As you begin to consider how you want that process to go, and how you will reenter the dating scene, you may also want to consider how dating will impact your children. Take into consideration how your decisions will directly impact them. Consider the following ways to ensure a smooth transition into the dating world.

• Reassure your children often that they are your priority.
• Always listen to their feelings, even if they are angry or frustrated.
• Make sure to only introduce the people you date if you are certain they are part of a long-term plan for you so that your children do not become emotionally attached to someone who will leave when you break up with them.
• Consider sleepovers very carefully, as a child’s home is a place of refuge and safety. They may feel that their zone of safety is being violated or invaded if people who are strangers to them are there in the early morning or late evenings.
• Children may attempt to manipulate you in order to gain control of their situation. Make sure to always listen to them, even when they are upset.
• Be honest with your children about the fact that you are dating and be honest with the person you are dating about the fact that you have children. Honesty is always the best policy.

Aside from dating, you should also take time for yourself. You should understand that your marriage is over, and you can take time to mourn the idea of the life you thought you would have. This can be emotionally healing and help you to decide of how your new life will look. Consider working with a counselor to help you through this difficult time.

Additionally, while you may want to distract yourself with your children or friends, the truth is that you may need to re-discover who you are as a person, and who you want to be following your divorce. Begin to consider some new goals. Have you always wanted to find a new career or go back to school? Read more books? Learn a new language? Spend time scrapbooking your children’s photographs? Train for a marathon? This is the time to set some new goals and make some amazing new opportunities for yourself.

While many parents fear their divorce will negatively impact their children, the truth is that some children actually do better following a divorce. This is especially true if the marital home was one filled with anger, yelling, and bitterness. In fact, one study showed that children’s academic performance improved following a divorce, and that they ultimately had higher grades in school. Understandably, when children are removed from anxiety, fear, and stress, they are more focused and can do better academically.

Additionally, without all the anger and stress, children can then have better quality time with each parent. They do not need to worry about arguments or feeling scared or worried. Instead, they will now have the undivided attention of each parent when they are at that parent’s home. It is easy to see how this could foster feelings of safety, love, and happiness.

If you are considering a divorce in Mooresville, North Carolina, you should always contact an experienced divorce attorney to help you understand your legal rights and how you can start a new life for you and your children. Get a phone or video consultation by calling at (704) 370-2828 to speak with our detail-oriented and well-versed lawyers at Arnold & Smith, PLLC with offices in Charlotte, Lake Norman, and Monroe.