Should I Remain Married, Separate, or Divorce in North Carolina?

When a relationship begins to fail, spouses generally have three options. They can either continue with the marriage and try to make it work, separate, or divorce. Each option has its various pros and cons, and you might find it difficult to choose the right pathway. Online research can only impart basic guidance, and the most appropriate choice probably depends on your unique circumstances. You might also want to discuss your unique circumstances with an experienced divorce lawyer in North Carolina.

If you decide to remain married, you might experience various benefits. First, your children might appreciate having their parents together for the rest of their upbringing, perhaps at least until they graduate from high school. Your conflicts with your spouse might also fade with time, and you both may learn to overcome your issues.

On the other hand, children can experience arguably worse mental health outcomes if they stay in a relationship that clearly is not working out. Your child might witness many fights, and they may even become endangered. There is also no guarantee that you and your spouse will work out your differences, and some misconduct is difficult to forgive.

Separation is also a valid option if your relationship is on thin ice, although spouses should remember that it is not legally recognized by North Carolina law. The only thing that is close to a legal separation in North Carolina is a “Divorce from Bed and Board.” Although this might be beneficial for certain people, spouses often misunderstand how it works.

Separation could still be beneficial for spouses. A “cooling-off” period could give you both time to think and reflect, and you might find that you can rekindle that old spark after some time apart. If you are going to separate, it is worth living under separate roofs for at least a few months.

Spouses should also know that separation is a mandatory first step that must occur before divorce. In other words, you will need to separate anyway if you choose to divorce. North Carolina has one of the longest separation periods in the country, and you will need to live apart from your spouse for 12 months before proceeding with a divorce.

Of course, you can always change your mind during these 12 months and get back together with your spouse. In fact, one might argue that North Carolina actively encourages reconciliation, and the entire point of the mandatory separation period is to give you a chance to reconcile.

Separation certainly has its fair share of downsides if it continues for more than 12 months. After your date of separation, each spouse gets to start establishing their financial independence. This can make property division quite complex if you delay for many years before finally getting a divorce. If you remain in a state of separation, you also cannot remarry.

The main benefit of divorce is that it allows you to continue with your life. Many spouses move forward with this process as quickly as possible. If you have children, they may benefit from the “certainty” that divorce brings. Until that time, remaining in an unsteady relationship or a prolonged separation may increase that feeling of uncertainty among children. Divorce could be easier for children if you choose an ADR method like mediation or collaborative law.

Divorce also allows you to remarry, which could be important for many spouses who want to begin new chapters in their lives. When you divorce, you can finalize the property division process. This means that you will walk away with your share of the marital property. With a divorce settlement in place, you will have the opportunity to start again with more financial support. For example, you might decide to put a down payment on a new home.

Only you know what is the right choice for your marriage and your future. That said, a divorce lawyer can help you understand the various implications of your future decisions. If you decide to continue with your marriage, you might want to at least discuss what a divorce will look like in the future with a family law attorney in North Carolina. If you want to separate and take time apart without filing for divorce, your lawyer can also help you learn about the various legal implications. Continue this conversation with Arnold & Smith, PLLC, today.